BEREAVEMENT

Por: ©Dr. José Abraham De Jesús-Rivera

 

A. HEALING THE GRIEF WOUND

 

STAGES	GRIEF WORK TASKS	HELP NEEDED
Denial	1. Experiencing shock, numbness, denial and gradually accepting the reality of the loss.	A ministry of caring and presence,practical help, and spiritual comfort.
Anger and Guilt	2. Experiencing, expressing and working through painful feelings,--e.g. guilt, remorse, apathy, anger, resentment, yearning, despair anxiety, emptiness, depression, loneliness, panic, disorientation, loss of clear identity, physical symptoms, etc.	A ministry of caring and responsive listening to encourage full catharsis.
Acceptance	3. Gradual acceptance of the loss and putting one's lifeback together minus what was lost, making decisions and coping with the new reality; unlearning old ways of satisfying one's needs and learning new ways to satisfy the needs. Saying "goodbye" and reinventing one's life energy with other relationships.	A ministry of crisis care and counseling, facilitating reality testing, and supportin the difficult taskof rebuilding one's life.
Working to a new reality	4. Putting one's loss in a wider context of meaning and faith: learning from the loss.	A ministry of facilitating spiritual growth.
Reaching out/ Finding new meaning	5. Reaching our to others experien-cing similar losses for mutual help.	A ministry of enabling outreach to others.

 

B. QUESTIONS TO PROMOTE CATHARSIS:

Catharsis questions:
1. What have you been feeling since the funeral?
2. What sort of memories keep coming back?
3. How often do you let yourself cry?
4. Have you have had trouble keeping going?
5. Would you tell me more about the way he/she died?

 

C. TWO FEELINGS THAT HINDERS THE GRIEF PROCESS:

Guilt (remorse and shame)
Anger (resentment and rage)

 

D. THE GRIEF WOUND CANNOT BE HEAL FULLY UNTIL ONE HAS:

Accepted the reality of the loss,
Surrender one's emotional tie to the person,
Begun to form other relationships, and
Provide new sources of interpersonal satisfaction.
(Grief is a normal healing process when confronted with a wounding experience.)

 

E. SIGNS OF DANGER (INDICATE PATHOLOGICAL GRIEF)

Increased withdraw from relationships and normal activities,
The absence of mourning,
Undiminished mourning,
Severe depression that do not lift,
Severe psychosomatic problems,
Disorientation,
Personality changes,
Severe, undiminishing guilt,
Anger, phobias, or loss of interest on life,
Continuing escape by means of drugs or alcohol,
Feeling of inner deadness.

 

F. SETTING UP A GRIEF HEALING GROUP

Inform the congregation about the loss
Train lay leaders in support techniques
Set up a grief helping group

 

G. FIVE THINGS THAT HELP PEOPLE WHO ARE DYING:

Having a small caring community
Completing as many of the unfinished issues
Doing the complex grief work of dying
Having a faith system, a sense of trust and at-home in the universe
Having a setting where one can die with dignity.